In this exercise you are to demonstrate your understanding of and ability to perform the interpersonal communication behaviors of empathic and reflective listening. You will each function in two roles: Problem Holder and Reflective Listener. While you are playing one role your partner will be playing the other. The grade will be distributed as follows:

You may NOT practice with your partner. You are encouraged to practice with a friend or another class member. You and your partner must meet in class to develop the scenario you will use for the exercise. Keep in mind the following guidelines as you develop your scenario.

Choose an interesting problem that is at an appropriate level of seriousness and offers several excellent opportunities for your partner to perform reflective listening.

The situation you choose must be one that occurs with moderate frequency in an "average" student's life: living with a roommate, being a friend, dating, going to school, working part-time, etc.

The degree of difficulty should be moderate, both moderately stressful and moderately common. Remember that people discuss problems with others when they expect a problem to occur as well as after the fact. You may do some research on the problem you have chosen, or you may act from personal experience. Your level of self-disclosure is under your control. Just be aware that your partner will be using techniques designed to draw others out and if you have nothing to say, anxiety may encourage you to be more revealing than you might wish.

Here are some examples to help you decide if your problem situation is moderate:

For this exercise you and your partner are moderately intimate to fairly good friends. The listener's interpersonal resources are limited to personal experience information and modest rewards of affection, warmth and comfort, and esteem. In other words, listeners are not expected to solve the problem for their partners.

At the beginning, problem holders take no more than one/half to one minute to establish the parameters of the problem for their partners.

During the interaction, make sure your pauses are long enough for your partner to come into the conversation easily. Remember, your partner is the one who is demonstrating a communication skill, you are a facilitator.

Provide information that is responsive to your partner. It should be increasingly informative with adequate, relevant detail.

Use attentiveness cues (eye gaze, head nods, minimal encouragements) to show that you are open and receiving.

Use nonverbal empathic echoing of the other's feelings to show that you understand and FEEL with the other through appropriate use of:

Use verbal reflective listening techniques for perceptual verification and to demonstrate interest, empathy, and concern without interjecting their own opinions into the conversation:

Stress important information about both facts and feelings to act as an effective sounding board for the other so that the problem holder can better understand his/her own opinions, feelings and solutions.

Avoid non-reflective listening behaviors such as: directing attention to yourself and your own problems, digressing to external/irrelevant issues, focusing on 3rd party's problem, focusing solely on facts OR feelings, being controlling ("you should/ought, have you....? what about...?" or problem solving for other, giving advice, or using closed or leading questions; communicating in an intellectual/detached manner or being dogmatic/evaluative of the other.

Following is the form that will be used to evaluate your performance in the listening exercise. Take some time to go over each of the elements of the evaluation. Check to make sure that you understand each term and have given some thought to how you will demonstrate your abilities for each of the criteria.

PROBLEM HOLDER ROLE Points ________(max 10 pts)

Too long to set up scenario (over one-minute) ______

Pauses too short ______

REFLEXIVE LISTENER ROLE Points ________ (max 20 pts)