Sexual Immorality/Idolatry: An Issue of Identity, Relationship, and Worship

19 January 2008 Notes from a talk by John Kuebler

Men aren't interested in sex (which includes relationship and intimacy); men are interested in orgasm (self-centered). We are called to relationship!

Accountability - Vulnerability = legalism

Males are not meant to be protected but to provide for females in the marriage relationship.

Men try to find their identity in women, but our identity is to be in Christ.

The first thing a man is to protect a woman from is himself.

Men also need to find relationships with other men.

Our culture shames us (men) and out of shame, we isolate ourselves ("I'm inadequate.") and fall into that sin. Isolation leads to living in "a made-up world."

Identity in Christ includes:

We need to be in relationship with other men who are skilled to train us.

Homosexuality - a person who struggles with identity trying to find identity in another person who struggles with identity.


→ Shame → Isolation → Sin
→ Identity in Christ → Relationship w/God/others → Worship God

Out of identity in Christ comes relationship and out of relationship comes worship of God.

Love is other-centered.

Every male that exists either lusts or lies. The intensity of the lust depends upon the woundedness of your background.

Are you interested in your wife -- just interested in her as a person?

Are you a good leader and servant?

Pornography: Isn't it foolish to look at pixels for relationship for attempted self-fulfillment, which leads to self-gratification, which leads to shame, which leads to isolation? Pornography tears at the very fiber of our manhood and their womanhood.

PORN → Attempted Self-Fulfillment → Self-Gratification → Shame → Isolation

The woman's desire will be for her husband means the woman's desire will be for the husband's position and he will surrender.

We need

                    which is found in relationship with other men (studying other men who are godly).

No one can take your identity in Christ away.

You're not responsible for your wife's happiness.

Will we notice beauty? Yes, we will look. A proper appreciation of beauty reflecting God can be in the first look. However, the second look often results in sin.

Do not look to women for our identity as men.


→ guilt → shame → isolation → sin

→ brokenness → need for Christ → REPENT

Men's Ministry